Making Friends at School: What Research Really Found
5 min read
Social Stories
A Story About What a Friend Is including who is not one.
Your child calls everyone in their class a friend, including the child who has been unkind to them for months. They cannot tell the difference, and it is being taken advantage of.
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Why it works here
Why a social story helps with a story about what a friend is
Friendship gets described to children entirely in terms of being nice, which gives them no way to distinguish a friend from someone who tolerates or exploits them. Concrete observable criteria give your child a test they can actually apply.
You will recognize this if
- Your child describes everyone as a friend.
- They maintain contact with someone who treats them badly.
- They cannot say what makes one person a friend and another not.
What the research saysA proximity-sensor study found autistic pupils had significantly fewer reciprocated friendships than classmates despite comparable time in social contact, which is why teaching reciprocity specifically matters.
Tsou et al., Autism, 2024
The setup
How to set it up for a story about what a friend is
Takes about five minutes. Use it as written, or keep only the steps your family needs. A short setup that gets used beats a complete one that gets abandoned in week two.
- 1 List observable things friends do, not feelings they have
- 2 Include reciprocity explicitly, that friendship goes both directions
- 3 Name what a friend does not do, concretely and without hedging
- 4 Explain that classmate and friend are different words
- 5 Say that having one or two real friends is genuinely enough
- 6 Include what to do if someone is unkind and how to tell an adult
The mistake most families make
Defining friendship by feelings gives your child nothing to check against. Observable behaviors are testable, and testable is what a child can use.
In the app
Built into the routine, not bolted onto it.
The Social Stories lives inside the same routine your child already follows, so a story about what a friend is is a step with a visible length rather than a separate tool somebody has to remember to open.
- Attach it to any step in any routine
- Works for pre-readers, gestalt language processors, and AAC users
- Same setup at home, at school, and in therapy
Set this up for your child.
Five minutes to build, and your child sees it every time a story about what a friend is comes around.
$6.99/month after the free trial · Cancel anytime · Also at app.vizyplan.com
Common questions
About a story about what a friend is
How do I explain that someone is not a real friend?
Through observable behavior rather than judgment. Naming what happened, and what a friend does instead, is more usable than a verdict about a person.
How many friends should a child have?
One reciprocated friendship does more for a child's week than being tolerated by many. Quality is the variable worth working on.
What if my child is being exploited?
Involve the school directly. Children who cannot distinguish friendly from exploitative need adult monitoring as well as a story.
VizyPlan supports routines and communication at home and school. It is not a medical device and does not diagnose or treat any condition. Talk to your child's care team about clinical questions.
